An Evil Lawyer

A few years back I was hired by a woman to follow her husband, whom she suspected was cheating on her. After waiting at the subject's workplace for almost an hour, the husband finally leaves work and I start following him. He makes a stop at a gas station and then heads to a small, dark, off the beaten path type bar. The perfect place to meet for an affair. Ten minutes after parking he gets out and heads towards the door, looking like your typical white male businessman; white shirt, dark pants, balding a little, and a loosened tie ready to have an after work drink. I follow him in with my hidden camera and go straight to the bar and order a soda. I leave a twenty on the bar and spin my stool around to see the subject sitting at a table about three feet away from me. I get the inner seize and casually spin back to the bar hoping to avoid being noticed.

After about a half hour of waiting, as I am starting to think this guy is just a drinker, a young, attractive woman walks in looking like she does not belong here. Most of the males in this place are looking her up and down as she goes over and sits down next to my subject, and I reach for the record button. My hidden camera is built into a light jacket that is currently hung over the back of the chair, which I spin hoping to line up a good shot of them as I grab my soda and head over to the pool table. About ten minutes later I go back to the bar and throw my jacket on and walk outside to check the video.

Murphy got the better of me... no good shots. I'm chain smoking trying to figure out how to get back inside when the two of them exit the bar and get into his car. I hop into mine and start following, but lose them at a light when some moron cuts me off. I look around for them... no luck. Anyone who has been there knows how I feel at this moment. I cruise around a bit then head back to check the bar again. No joy. I go back towards the highway and pull off into a commuter parking lot to do my report, cursing and chain smoking some more. I backed into a spot in a dark corner and look over to see, you guessed it, the subject's car with him and the girl in it. Now I am in a perfect spot, I got my camera, I have position and I have the subject. I wait. They talk for a bit and I take video to show them in the car together, but thats all it is at this point: proof he is in a car with a woman who is not his wife. They get closer, and I am waiting for the brake lights to flash and them to be off to the hotel.

But, I am wrong. Instead they start moving to the back of the car, and I grab the camera and take footage of them getting into the back seat. It's starting to look like I beat Murphy at last when a cop pulls up next to my window, sees the camera, and motions for me to roll down the window. I do and we talk, I couldn't tell him who I was working on but I think he has a good idea. He asks me if I called in and I tell him the story up to when he pulls up next to my car and that I've got no good video yet for the night. I look over at the subject's car and see asses and elbows in the windows, and I am really beginning to hate Murphy and life right now.

After the cop and I have a good laugh over my luck he tells me to have a good night and smiles, but it was not a "have a good night" smile: it was a "watch this" sh*t kicker grin. He drives off in the direction of the subject's car and stops about ten feet away. I had just got my camera running again hoping to get the last few minutes of anything in the back seat. Then, the cop hits the lights, high beams, flashers and lets out a couple chirps on the siren. I hear him on his loud speaker, "Please step out of the vehicle," and out pops the husband wearing nothing but black socks and boxers followed by the woman pulling on a shirt and hopping into one leg of panty hose. The camera is rolling and I am laughing so loud I thought they would hear me! I record about a half hour of the cop just laying into them, standing with hands on hips as they get dressed and find their IDs, standing arm in arm while the cop runs the licenses.

When he's done they get back in the car and drive off, and the cop rolls up to me and gives me the lights and siren. The subject had already left and I would not have followed him anyway. I roll my window back down and the cop and I bullsh*t half the night. He made it clear that he never saw me and had no idea I was here; I showed him the entire video so he could see that I never showed his face or his car. I get to the office the next day and show the boss the video and give him the full report, telling him the whole truth. He tells me four other guys were unable to get anything on this guy.

A few months later we get a call to testify in court for a divorce hearing. This is a surprise as most times we never have to testify, but five of us have to go this time as we all worked on the case. At this point, I was not aware that the husband and the husband's attorney have not seen the video yet. So, I listen to the story of a man who loves his wife, but has a drinking problem, and would go out nights and drink and play poker and do everything imaginable other than see another woman. I think the wife was the best actress I have ever seen. I swear she even had a tear forming in her eye.

I do not where the wife’s attorney was from or how much he got paid, but he was truly evil. He put each of us on the stand one at a time, me last. Each of us got the same questions: "Did you see Mr. ______ with anyone outside of work? Did you observe any behavior contrary to his statement?" This went on for about an hour, then after lunch it was my turn. This lawyer hammered me; I was thinking he forgot I was on his side. "So, you tricked Mr. _______ into doing this or that. You manipulated him, you..., you..., you." I was sweating by the time he finished, and had just been released from the stand when the lawyer said, "Oh by the way did you obtain any video of Mr. ______ ?" I was so shook up by this lawyer that I had forgotten!! "Ummmm, yes I did." There I was, half sitting and half standing like a deer in headlights. My eyes are doing the tennis match between the judge and the lawyer. The judge takes pity on me and tells me to be seated again. So the lawyer goes at me again. "How did you get the video, what does it contain?" I have had defense attorneys treat me better than he did. At this point the husband's attorney jumps up and objects. "Well, I think we need to see this so-called video," he says. As the husband's attorney says this, the wife’s attorney was looking right at me and winks. The wife's attorney asks the judge for a recess to show the video. I thought it was all over. The husbands attorney jumps up again and says, "We can see it right now, we have nothing to hide."

"Oh my god," I thought, "this is the first time this video is going to be seen?" So, there I sat, in court, watching what was the best video taken by our company all year. I swear I tasted blood from biting my lip so hard, trying not to laugh.

We see a few minutes of the car at a bar, then some video of the guy leaving the bar with the woman, then some video of them sitting in the car. At this point the wife’s attorney looks back towards me and winks again. I get the urge to start giggling like a school girl. I actually had to put my hand over my mouth. The next thing we see is the husband, in his black socks and boxers, and the woman hopping around on one leg. I was beside myself... I thought I was going to have a heart attack. The wife looks back towards me and smiles a little. The husband looks at me like I should be on fire and screaming. So, I bend over some, trying to hide, laughing my ass off as quietly as possible. The judge actually asked me if I was OK. With tears coming out of my eyes, I look at him and said, "I am sorry your honor, I swallowed my gum." This brought on more laughter.

He called a recess. Thank God.

The husband lost BIG. The wife gave me a bonus, a weekend trip to Florida. I still start laughing when I think about it.

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This story comes to us from our friend at spyville.com.
Check out his blog at spyville.blogspot.com.